Do you ever knock before enter someone's room? I am constantly reminding my kids that it isn't polite to enter a room where the door is closed...you must always knock before entering. When they were little, they never knocked. Like most mama's, the place to have absolutely no privacy is always the bathroom. The door would fly open so hard that it would slam against the door stop, panic and chaos filled the room and if they were lucky, I would be blow-drying my hair and then scream to the top of my lungs....and almost always they would end up in tears.
Depression enters my house the exact same way. No gently knock at the door...No asking permission...just bursting through like a four year old toddler on a mission! Much like the way a toddler will also drag with them their little sibling....in my case depression has self-pity tagging alone. Immediately, everything changes...instead of panic and chaos, it's a darkness that slowly covers everything around you...consuming you. If we are honest with ourselves, we have all experienced that feeling at some point.
I have wrestled with depression for many years. Sometimes it has consumed me to the point that I actually enjoyed it....self-pity was my fuel for creating an even darker existence. Now, sometimes my circumstances can change quickly and usually it's things that are outside of my control. But when it isn't my circumstances, that is when there is almost a comfort in seeing just how far I can go into that doubtful state of mind.
Even on my darkest of days when the depression really has a hold on me, it is up to me to want to get out of that darkness. I can't given to that darkness. I know that my relationship with God must still be worked on even on the darkest of days. I diligently work on releasing my worries because they will hinder God's ability to work in my life. It is an awesome feeling to know that as a child of God, He wants me to release all my worries to Him and to pull myself out from the darkness and into His light.
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